Disaster

Read in Chinese HERE (中文版)

Oh no! This is a disaster :(

I can't believe that I have the courage to upload this video and share it online publicly. It's awful, and I can't even watch it myself, and to be honest, I'm kind of worried that people will just stop watching my YouTube videos if this happens to be the first one they watch... 

I played Bach, Beethoven, and Schumann in this recital, and I think Bach Partita No. 1 is the only piece that I felt good about. The other two are terrible. I have no idea why. It wasn't bad in the rehearsal. Normally I think people would start with Bach, and usually the first piece is probably going to be the one that's not going so well, I feel, because of the nervousness about being on the stage. But surprisingly, I didn't do a bad job on the first piece, but I messed up the rest of the recital. I really wanna cry about that.

Honestly, there was a time that I really hate Beethoven. He's just too difficult for me, and I feel I CANNOT feel him, which is probably the worst situation for a pianist. I mean, how do you play someone's music if you can't feel or understand that person's music? Ironically, I have been playing Beethoven ever since I started playing his music. He's too important in the classical music world. I think just his 32 piano sonatas can make people learn for their whole lives. I learned so many of his pieces, yet I still find it hard to play it well. Oh well, I guess he just doesn't get along well with me (Ok sorry, it's me who can't get along well with him... my bad -.-)

I remember telling my piano teacher that I feel really bad about this performance, about all those mistakes that I made, but she's so kind and told me that she was touched by my playing, and that she thought it's a successful recital. My aunt who came to my recital told me she cried when I played the third movement of Beethoven. She said it was emotional and it made her cry. She's very nice. In fact, I wanted to cry too, but for a different reason (because I felt my recital was awful... haha!) And I noticed someone left after I finished the first movement. That probably made me feel worse > < I wondered if someone left because the first movement was too scary. I really shouldn't be having that kind of thoughts on the stage, but I did. But afterwards, I knew who was the one who left. She had to leave because her brother was also having his graduation recital in another hall in our school. I feel so happy and grateful that she chose to come to my recital first, listened to half of it, and then went to her brother's performance. She was being so supportive of me! I can't believe it ♥️

Anyways, in this video, you'll be shocked by the first movement. Feel free to skip it to the second movement (I hope I'm not saying this to make more people get interested in seeing how awful it really was in the first movement -.-)

Thanks for watching my video :)




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